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Red Dwarf

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{{Infobox_Television | show_name = Red Dwarf | image = Image:Red dwarf logo.png | caption = Red Dwarf logo | format = Science fiction Britcom | runtime = | creator = Grant Naylor
(Rob Grant and Doug Naylor) | starring = Craig Charles
Chris Barrie
Danny John-Jules
Norman Lovett
Hattie Hayridge
Robert Llewellyn
C. P. (Clare) Grogan
Chloë Annett
Mac McDonald | country = United Kingdom | network = BBC | first_aired = | last_aired = | num_episodes = 52 (+2 bonus/lost) }}

This article describes the British science fiction comedy television series. For the type of star, see red dwarf.


Red Dwarf is a science fiction British sitcom (or Britcom for short). It was created and originally written by Grant Naylor (a so-called "gestalt entity", in reality a collective pseudonym for the writing duo Rob Grant and Doug Naylor).

The show is set 3 million years in the future in deep space, and revolves around the adventures of the crew of the Jupiter Mining Corporation's ore transport vessel Red Dwarf. Primary characters in the show include Dave Lister (the last surviving human), until series 7 Arnold Judas Rimmer (a hologram of Dave's dead bunk mate), the Cat (a humanoid descended from cats), Holly (the ship's computer with an IQ of 6000, 'the same IQ as 6000 PE teachers' or ostensibly '12000 car park attendants'), from series 3 Kryten (a mechanoid) and from series 7, Kristine Kochanski (a version of Dave's ex-girlfriend, from a parallel universe).

Despite the pastiche of science fiction used as a backdrop, Red Dwarf is primarily a character-driven comedy, with many off-the-wall science fiction elements used as complementary plot devices. For example, in the early series a recurring source of comedy was the 'odd couple' relationship between Lister and Rimmer.

Contents

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Scenario

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Image:RedDwarfCast.jpg In the show, the Red Dwarf is a spaceship 5 miles long belonging to the Jupiter Mining Corporation. An on-board radiation leak kills everyone except for Dave Lister, who was in suspended animation at the time, and his pregnant cat, Frankenstein, who was safely sealed in the cargo hold. Lister had smuggled Frankenstein aboard the ship, but had been caught in possesion of the illegal life form (by having his photo taken with the cat and sending the film off the ship's lab for processing). Given the choice of giving up the location of the cat, or going into Stasis for 18 months, he chose the latter.

Three million years later, Lister emerges from stasis as the last human being alive.

Being third technician, Lister is the lowest ranking employee on the ship. He is the slob anti-hero with a marked Scouse accent and an obsession with Indian food, such as vindaloo, curries, and shami kebabs, all of which are in plentiful supply on board the ship. At the end of the first episode "The End", Lister tells Holly to navigate Red Dwarf home, back to Earth.

Lister endures a holographic simulation of a deceased crew member Arnold Rimmer. Rimmer, Lister's room-mate before the disaster, is a smug, self-serving, mean-spirited, status-obsessed, neurotic, guilt-ridden smeghead, loathed by everybody on board. Despite fourteen years aboard the ship and an overriding ambition to become an officer, Rimmer has sat and failed his astro-navigation exam on no less than 13 occasions. In fact, Rimmer actually caused the radiation leak unintentionally by poorly repairing a drive plate on the power core.

Rimmer, being a soft-light hologram, cannot touch non-holographic objects, so the semi-autonomous service droids known as the skutters function as Rimmer's hands (even though they don't like him). At various points in the show, Rimmer acquires a tangible physical form for brief periods, and acquires a "hard-light drive" in Series VI, giving him an effectively real -- albeit almost indestructible -- physical presence. In other episodes, Rimmer encounters or becomes Ace Rimmer, an incarnation from a parallel universe where a single childhood difference led Rimmer to develop into a James Bond-like persona.

Also accompanying Lister on his voyage back to Earth is The Cat. The Cat is of the species Felis sapiens, evolved from Frankenstein (Lister's pregnant pet cat, discussed above). The Cat appears as a typical biped humanoid with slightly elongated feline teeth; he retains cat-like features including a craving for fish and females, a heightened sense of smell, unbridled vanity, the requirement to nap multiple times a day, a knack for going to the toilet in secret places, an obsession towards grooming and appearance, and six nipples.

A large number of jokes in Red Dwarf involve the Cat's "cool" nature, including an incident in which it is revealed that his heartbeat is actually a catchy bassline, and the recurring anti-Cat role of Duane Dibley, a self-described "no-style gimbo with teeth the druids could use as a place of worship."

Another principal character is Holly, the ship's computer with a supposed IQ of 6000, which Holly claims is the same IQ as 12000 car park attendants (or 6000 PE Teachers). Holly is visible as a disembodied head on the screens dotted around the ship and runs most of the ship's systems despite suffering from computer senility. Holly was responsible for the decision to reincarnate Rimmer as a hologram, claiming that Rimmer was Lister's best chance of remaining sane.

The crew are also joined in Series 3 by the service mechanoid Kryten after rescuing him from a crashed vessel, the Nova 5. Kryten immediately takes over custodial duties on Red Dwarf. While Rimmer basks in subjugating Kryten, Lister befriends Kryten and encourages him to break his altruistic programming to lie, cheat, and steal in an effort to become more human. Kryten offers encyclopedic knowledge in all areas and is generally Red Dwarf's voice of reason; however, he can become hilariously unpredictable when Lister swaps Kryten's head for one of the eager, jealous "spare heads" or removes Kryten's morality chip.

Lister's longlasting crush is Kristine Kochanski, originally played by C. P. (Clare) Grogan (formerly of 1980s band Altered Images). She was killed along with the rest of the crew in the first episode, and several subsequent episodes revolve around Lister attempting to bring her back, either through time travel or as a computer-generated simulation like Rimmer. In the seventh season, an alternative Kochanski from a parallel universe (played by Chloë Annett) joined the series as a regular character.

One aspect of the Red Dwarf universe that differentiates it from standard science fiction is that there are no sentient aliens, despite Rimmer's fervent desires to meet some; instead, every part of the large and bizarre mix of intelligent life within the Red Dwarf universe is in one way or another derived from Earth, a result of developments in robotics and/or genetic engineering during the millions of years the ship has been isolated.

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Production history

The first series aired on BBC2 in 1988. Seven further series have so far been produced, and a film is supposed to be in pre-production, though little has been heard of it in recent years (see below under Spinoffs). The idea was originally developed from the Dave Hollins: Space Cadet sketches introduced on Grant and Naylor's 1984 BBC Radio 4 show Son of Cliché.

Rob Grant and Doug Naylor wrote the first six series together, before Grant left in 1996 leaving Naylor to write the next two with a series of new and less well-known writers, notably including Paul Alexander, as well as Robert Llewellyn, who plays Kryten in the series.

For the most part, Ed Bye produced and directed the series. He left before Series V, and Juliet May took over as director, but she was dismissed partway through the season and replaced by Grant and Naylor. Series VI was directed by Andy De Emmony, with Bye returning for the final two series.

Series I, II and III were made by Paul Jackson Productions, with subsequent series produced by the writers' own company Grant Naylor Productions, all for BBC North ; all eight series were broadcast by the BBC on BBC2. At the beginning of series IV production moved from the BBC's Manchester studios to Shepperton.

The theme tune and incidental music were written by Howard Goodall and performed by Jenna Russell. Goodall also wrote music for the show's various songs, including 'Tongue Tied', with lyrics written by Grant and Naylor, which Danny John-Jules reochestrated and released as a top-20 single (see end of this chapter for lyrics). Craig Charles wrote, performed and sang 'Cash' (The Om Song) from the episode 'Timeslides' with his band.

A period of four years elapsed between Series VI and VII, partly due to the imprisonment and subsequent exoneration of Craig Charles, but also due to cast and crew working on other projects (notably The Brittas Empire) and disputes over pay. When the series returned, it was filmized and no longer in front of a live audience. Although critics praised the higher production values for Series VII, when the show returned two years later for Series VIII, it had dropped use of the filmizing process.

In 1998, on the tenth anniversary of the show's first airing (between the releases of Series VII and VIII), the first three series of Red Dwarf were remastered. The remastering included reformatting the series in 14:9 widescreen, applying the same 'field-removal' film effect as series VII, replaced model shots with computer graphics, cut small pieces of dialog and updated music and ambient sound effects. Red Dwarf Remastered was met with a generally poor fan reaction in the UK, but massive international broadcast success. No further series were remastered and the later DVD release reverted to the original versions in order to preserve historical context.

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Episode list

See List of Red Dwarf episodes.

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Characters and actors

Main article: Red Dwarf characters
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Regular cast

Charles also worked on Robot Wars, Coronation Street and voices-over Challenge TV's Takeshi's Castle.
Barrie starred in the The Brittas Empire, provided voice work for Spitting Image, and also presents Massive Machines on UK terrestrial channel five.
John-Jules has also appeared in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Gulliver's Travels and Blade II.
Llewellyn also presents Scrapheap Challenge and its US counterpart Junkyard Wars.
Annett is also known for her work on Crime Traveller.
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Recurring guest characters

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Recurring guest actors

  • Tony Hawks was the warm-up man for the first few series of Red Dwarf and has often been called 'The Fifth Dwarfer'. He also appeared on screen as the host in Better Than Life, the voice of various food dispensers (and a talking suitcase in Stasis Leak), the compere in Backwards, and Caligula in Meltdown.
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Ships

Main article: Red Dwarf ships
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Red Dwarf

Image:RedDwarfShipOriginal.jpg Image:RedDwarfShip.jpg The main ship after which the show is named. Red Dwarf is five miles long (sometimes said to be four or six), not including the scoop at the front, and can hold over a thousand crew members. It also holds a complement of Starbug and Blue Midget shuttlecrafts. The "scoop" at the front of the ship collects trace hydrogen gases from space and converts them into fuel: the ship, therefore, could theoretically keep on travelling forever. As a mining vessel, the Red Dwarf has vast bays which apparently hold large asteroids in place for mining. Currently the ship is holding onto one such asteroid, though this does not appear to affect the ship's integrity.

Red Dwarf was redesigned for the remastered series, making it even longer and more streamlined, with multiple smaller engines at the rear, as opposed to the singular long engine used on previous models. This design did not stick but was re-used in Series 8, after Red Dwarf's reconstruction by the nanobots, complete with Karaoke deck.

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Blue Midget

Image:RedDwarfBlueMidget.jpg

Blue Midget is a type of shuttle that Red Dwarf carries, and was the primary craft in series 2 before being replaced by Starbug. It is built to resemble a truck or tank, with caterpillar tracks and a bumper sticker that reads "My Other Space Ship is a Red Dwarf".

Blue Midget was redesigned in the remastered series to resemble a bubble car with retractable legs for "walking", and this design was also used for Series 8 (for the original episodes continuity, it is feasible that when Red Dwarf was reconstructed slightly differently the same thing happened to the Blue Midgets aboard the ship).

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Starbug

Image:RedDwarfStarbug.jpg The JMC transport vehicle Starbug is the model of a small shuttle craft, green in colour. It has three bulbous sections; the cockpit, mid-section and engine rooms, somewhat resembling a bug from the exterior. Starbug replaced Blue Midget as the crew's primary choice of shuttle in series 3 and became the show's primary vehicle thoughout series 6 and 7.

Series 6 takes place a full 200 years after the final episodes of series 5. During this time it is presumed that Kryten, being the only one not in deep-sleep, remodelled Starbug to better suit the crew's needs. Starbug's remodelling, along with a time-dilation effect, expanded the ship's interior dimensions and produced an additional sleeping quarters, engine deck and hangar bay. In episode 6.3 "Gunmen of the Apocalypse" Starbug was finally armed with laser cannons by rogue simulants.

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US version

A pilot episode for an American version was produced for NBC in 1992, though never broadcast. The show followed essentially the same story as the original UK pilot, substituting American actors (including Craig Bierko as Lister, Chris Eigeman as Rimmer, and Hinton Battle as the Cat) for the British; exceptions being Robert Llewellyn, who reprised his role as Kryten, and the British actress Jane Leeves as Holly. The pilot was unsuccessful.

A later pilot consisting of scenes from the first pilot edited in with new footage (and featuring Terry Farrell as a female Cat) was also unsuccessful.

However, the comparison between the UK and US shows is interesting: the anti-hero, slobby pantheist Lister was replaced with a muscular hunk when he is translated for American TV. When Lister learns that three million years have passed in the UK show, he says "I've still got that library book..."; in the American version he says "My baseball cards must be worth a fortune!"

Clips from the first pilot can be found on the DVD of Series 5 in the featurette Dwarfing USA, along with interviews with the British cast and Doug Naylor. Bootlegs of the pilots are widely circulated among Red Dwarf fans, and sold at conventions.

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Spin-offs

The franchise has expanded to include four novels, written by the show's creators, Doug Naylor and Rob Grant.

The first book, Red Dwarf, had cover art including a highway sign saying Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers; this sign being often mistaken for the title, the book is often called this to distinguish it from other incarnations.

For various reasons, Grant and Naylor decided to both work alone when writing the sequel to Better Than Life, and so two completely different sequels were made. Last Human (by Doug Naylor, who would go on to make two further television series) introduced Kochanski to unsuspecting fans and felt very much like series seven of the TV programme, while Backwards (by Rob Grant) was more in keeping with the previous two books, feeling much like series 3 to 6. The styles of these sequels vary wildly from the two predecessors and each other. Many fans believe that both novels are far inferior to the two books written in collaboration.

All four books contain well-loved elements from certain episodes of the television series. Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers contains lines and story elements from The End, Future Echoes, Kryten, Me² and Better Than Life. Better Than Life contains elements from Better Than Life, Marooned, Polymorph and Backwards (the "playing pool with planets" sub-plot was written before the White Hole TV episode).

Last Human contains elements from Backwards, Polymorph II: Emohawk and DNA. The novel Backwards contains elements from Backwards, Dimension Jump and Gunmen of the Apocalypse. While these elements are taken from the original source material, they were cleverly enhanced (and often improved) to fit in with the overall plots of every book. This was made possible by the fact that the writers were not inhibited by budgetry constraints, as with the TV episodes.

All four books were published in audiobook format, the first two read by Chris Barrie with Last Human read by Craig Charles and Backwards read by its author Rob Grant.

The BBC World Service re-recorded the first two books as The Red Dwarf Radio Show with Chris Barrie narrating and included additional sound effects. The first series was broadcast on 3 December 1995 to 17 February 1996 and the second March 13 1997 to March 28 1997.

Other books include:

  • The Official Red Dwarf Companion - 1992 - Bruce Dessau - ISBN 1852864567
  • Red Dwarf VIII: the official guide - 1999 - Doug Naylor & Rob Grant - ISBN 1852278722
  • Red Dwarf Programme Guide - 1997 - Chris Howarth & Steve Lyons - ISBN 0753501031
  • Red Dwarf Programme Guide - 2000 - Chris Howarth & Steve Lyons - ISBN 0753504022
  • Red Dwarf Survival Guide - 1996 - Doug Naylor & Paul Alexander - ISBN 0749323744
  • Red Dwarf Quiz Book - 1994 - Nicky Hooks & Sharon Burnett - ISBN 0140236627
  • A Question of Smeg: 2nd Red Dwarf quiz book - 1997 - Nicky Hooks & Sharon Burnett - ISBN 0140270701
  • Red Dwarf Log No. 1996: official log for the year Smeg Knows - 1995 - ISBN 0434003700 (Diary)

The song "Tongue Tied", originally featured in a dream sequence in the episode Parallel Universe, was released as a single in 1993. It reached number 17 in the UK charts. It was expected to get higher, only a planned Top of the Pops performance did not come to happen, thus halting momentum for the single.

A planned Red Dwarf: The Movie has been delayed from its original schedule. According to the official website, it will enter pre-production 'shortly', with details of a release date to follow. However, as of 2005, it has been over a year since any news has been heard regarding the movie, and the IMDB has since removed the entry for it.

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Invented words

Red Dwarf famously employed a vocabulary of fictional expletives in order to avoid using potentially-offensive expletives in the show, and to give nuance to futuristic colloquial language. By far, the most famous example is smeg. Variations of the word include: smegger, smeghead, smeg off, smeg-for-brains, and smegging hell; it is used as a synonym for the word fuck. In one episode, Rimmer tells a vending machine to "smeg off, you smeggy smegging smegger!"; "Bodyswap" features the phrase "Oh smeg, what the smegging smeg's he smegging done? He's smegging killed me!". The writers of Red Dwarf have stated that they invented the word and that it has no connection with any similar real words, such as smegma; however, lexicographer Tony Thorne, in his 1990 Dictionary of Contemporary Slang (ISBN 074752856X), reports instances of smeg (and derivatives) being used as a term of "mild contempt and even affection" among "schoolboys, students and punks" as early as the mid-1970s—a decade or so prior to the inception of the Red Dwarf phenomenon—and unequivocally traces the etymology of the term back to smegma.

Other invented expletives and euphemisms include goit (one who is annoying or awkward; perhaps adapted from the words git and oik) and gimboid (one who is stupid or clumsy; possibly an adaptation of the word gimp). Another term of abuse used in the show was the word gwenlan, the last name of Gareth Gwenlan who was the head of comedy for the BBC and passed on the show in London.

The currency in use at the time Red Dwarf left the Solar System was apparently the "dollarpound", divided into one hundred "pennycents". It is also sometimes referred to as the "buckquid".

In the episode "Bodyswap" (series 3 episode 4), Cat plays the word jozxyqk in a game of Scrabble, claiming it to be a cat word meaning "the sound you get when you get your sexual organs trapped in something." However, this is most likely an attempt by Cat to use otherwise useless letters in a game he may well have been losing. Red Dwarf establishes that, in its fictional universe, the evolved Cat species does not have a written language, and instead records information as a scent. However it could be phonetically spelt.

A class of beings that makes recurring appearances in the programme is the GELF, an acronym for Genetically Engineered Life Forms. This term was also used in the unrelated American series SeaQuest DSV (Deep Sea Voyager), which aired for three seasons in the early 1990s.

The Red Dwarf crew's weapon of choice is the bazookoid. This is in actual fact a piece of mining equipment, and not officially a weapon. Obviously derived from the word bazooka.

Otrazone is a dangerous and highly addictive drug in a liquid form that corrupts circuit boards in mechanoids. Able tried to convince Kryten in trying some Otrazone in "Beyond A Joke", but he refused.

A Negadrive is a drive that is used in mechanoids to store negative emotions. Eventually, this drive blows when its negativity reaches its maximum.

A simulant is a mechanoid that despises humans. They were created for war that never existed, and still are floating around the unknown parts of space. The Red Dwarf crew occasionally run into simulants.

Quagaar is the name of the species in which Rimmer believes will make him a real body, in the episode "Waiting for God" (series 1 episode 4). It turns out that the Quagaars never existed, the pod that he believed they resided in was actually a Red Dwarf garbage pod.

Several sets, seen often in the earlier episodes, have the phrase "Level/Nivelo" prominently displayed on one wall. Nivelo is not an invented word within the series, but rather the Esperanto word for level. In the Red Dwarf universe, the constructed language Esperanto is in much wider use than it is today, and Red Dwarf is officially a bilingual vessel. See the first episode in season two, "Kryten", in which Rimmer attempts to learn Esperanto. In fact, all the Esperanto used in Red Dwarf is correct[citation needed], if sometimes poorly pronounced - and in the books, incorrectly spelt or mis-printed.

In the episode "Back To Reality", Timothy Spall's character Andy refers to the regular cast as "a bunch of twonks". Twonk is also used by Del Boy in Only Fools and Horses. He often calls Rodney a "dozy little twonk". "Twonk" has been around for a while is used by Frederick R. Ewing in the 1956 novel I, Libertine. The character Lance Courtney refers comedically to the acne in another character as being "Twonk's disease".

In the Series 5 episode "The Inquisitor", Kryten refers to a statement made by Lister as "complete and utter shash", leaving the viewer to assume that shash is synonymous with nonsense. This word however seems not to make any other appearances. Holly also uses the word Hotspur to mean nonsense ("Queeg") - a reference to the London football team Tottenham Hotspur, as evidenced by the line "That's a load of Tottenham that is, that's a steaming pile of Hotspur".

Whilst on his own for three million years, Red Dwarf's computer, Holly, decided to entertain himself by inventing Hol Rock, a fictional decimalised version of music. The notes he invented were 'H' and 'J' (or woh and boh in solfege[[1]]) and he was convinced it would be a whole new sound. Unfortunately triangles would need an extra side, pianos would be the length of zebra crossings and women would be banned from playing the cello.

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Talking Backwards

In the season three episode "Backwards", there are several segments of reversed dialogue. Some of these are simply reversed recordings of the subtitled dialogue (a few with rather more "robust" language than the subtitled version), others are actors attempting (quite successfully) to speak backwards. An example of this is seen at the bar in the pub, where Lister discovers he has to order "Erskib" - played backwards, this really does sound like "Bitter".

The longest backwards dialogue, however, is rather different. When the nightclub owner bursts in to sack Rimmer and Kryten, because of a fight (which hasn't happened yet, of course), Arthur Smith isn't actually saying what Kryten is translating. What he is really saying is: "You are a stupid, square-headed, bald git, aren't you? Eh? I'm not pointing at you, I'm pointing at you. But I'm not actually addressing you. I'm addressing the one prat in the country who's bothered to get hold of this recording, turn it round, and actually work out the rubbish that I'm saying. What a poor sad life he's got.", then "Frankly your act's crap, anyone could have done that- I hate the lot of you, bollocks to you!"

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Continuity

The number of continuity errors contained in the series as a whole is huge. Grant and Naylor approached many of the timeline errors by simply ignoring them, but highlights include:

  • The number of people aboard the ship is 169 in Series 1, but risen to 1,169 in Series 4. It has also been put up to 111,169.
  • References to Lister being from the 23rd Century, even though he was abandonded in the 22nd Century, and the radiation leak happened in the 21st Century.
  • Lister has his appendix out twice (although Rob Grant covers this in an interview by stating that Lister regrew his appendix during the episode DNA).
  • Lister drops a tombstone on one foot, and the plastercast eventually appears on the other.
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Lyrics

Main Theme

It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere.
I'm all alone, more or less.
Let me fly far away from here--
Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun...

I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose,
Drinking fresh mango juice,
Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes!
Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun
Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun...

There is also an extended theme tune with two extra verses. These verses were not written by the theme tune's author, Howard Goodall.

I’ll pack my bags, and head into hyperspace,
Where I'll succeed at time-warp speed.
Spend my days in ultraviolet rays,
Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun.

We’ll lock on course, straight through the universe,
You and me, and the galaxy.
Reach the stage, hyperdrive’s engaged,
Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun,
Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun.

Lunar City Seven

To Ganymede and Titan
Yes sir, I've been around
But there ain't no place
In the whole of space
Like that good ol' toddlin' town..
Oh.. Lunar City Seven
You're my idea of heaven
Out of ten you score eleven
You good ol' artificial terra-formed settlement...

Tongue Tied </blockquote> When I saw you for the first time (first time)
My knees began to quiver (quiver)
And I got a funny feeling (feeling)
In my kidneys and my liver (digestive system baby)
My hands they started shakin' (shakin')
My heart began a-thumpin' (boom, boom, boom)
My breakfast left my body (huey, huey, huey)
Now darling tell me something
Why do you make me tongue tied (tongue tied)
tongue tied
Whenever you are near me? (near me)
Tied tongue (tied tongue)
Tied tongue (tied tongue)
Whenever you're in town
You make me feel a clown, girl
Yes, you make me tongue-tongue (tied-tied)
tongue tied
Why can't I tell you clearly? (clearly)
Tied-tied, tongue-tongue (tongue tied, tongue tied)
Whenever you're around
I saw you 'cross the dance floor (dancin')
I thought of birds and bees (reproductive system baby)
But when I tried to speak to ya (talk, talk)
My tongue unravelled to my knees (flippety-flippety-flop)
I tried to say "I love you" (love you)
But it came out kind of wrong, girl (wrong girl)
It sounded like "Nunubididoo" (tongue tied)
Nuh-mur-nuh-murh-ni-nong-nurl
That's 'cause you make me tongue tied (tongue tied)
tongue tied
Whenever you are near me(near me)
I'm nurmy-murmy (nurmy-murmy)
Murmy-nurmy (nurmy-murmy)
Whenever you're in town (in town)
My trousers they go brown, girl
Yes, you make me nongy-nangy (nangy-nongy)
tongue tied
Why can't I tell you clearly? (clearly)
Be-dobby-durgle (dobby-durgle)
Tongue tied (tongue tied)
Whenever you're around
Oh, I'm beggin' on my knees
Sweet, sweet darling, listen please
Understand me when I say
Gedurble-diggle-doggle-niggle-foggle-nibble-nay
I'm trying to say I'm tongue tied (tongue tied)
tongue tied
Whenever you are near me (really)
I'm nurmy-murmy (nurmy-murmy)
Murmy-nurmy (murmy-nurmy)
Whenever you're in town (in town)
I drool so much I drown, girl
Yes, you make me nongy-nangy (nangy-nongy)
ningy-nongy
Why can't I tell you clearly (clearly)
Ge-dobby-durgle (dobby-durgle)
Durgle-dobby (durgle-dobby)
Whenever you're around (around)
Whenever you're around, girl
</blockquote>

The Rimmer Experience </blockquote> If you're in trouble, he will save the day
Is brave and fearless, come what may
Without him the mission would go astray
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
Without him life would be much grimmer
He's handsome, trim and no one's slimmer
He will never need a Zimmer!

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
More reliable than a garden strimmer
He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner
He's not bald and his head doesn't glimmer!

Master of wit and the repartee
His command of space directives is uncanny
How come he's such a genius? Don't ask me
Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
He's also a fantastic swimmer
And if you play your cards right
Then he just might come round for dinner!

He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
No rhymes left now apart from quimmer
He'd better fade us out before we get to schlimmer
Fade out you stupid plimmer!

</blockquote>

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See also

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External links

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Cast links

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